HAPPY NEW YEAR'S DAY

The occasions on which families gather to celebrate are multiple and of very different scope: birthdays, Mother's Day, baptisms, weddings, communions, etc. The end-of-year celebrations – Christmas and New Year – have a special symbolism and aspect since the vast majority of families gather at the same time to celebrate.

When acquaintances meet and exchange some news, they don't ask "Are you doing anything at Christmas?" but "What do you do at Christmas?" The cities are illuminated, many Christmas markets are organised, many businesses interrupt their activities for a few days, the shops even open on Sundays.

It is so natural to experience the holidays with the family that it has become customary to remember that this period is even more difficult for isolated people than the rest of the year. Loneliness weighs even heavier at the end of December.

A ritual
Perhaps more than any other, the end-of-year celebrations often follow a ritual. Starting from the social representations of the holiday specific to certain regions and certain social backgrounds, a kind of rite is established from year to year in each particular family. It suffices to be convinced of this to think of the troubles and upheavals which destabilize the family when the person or persons who traditionally organized the family celebration dies. What are we going to do now? Who will do it? According to what procedure?

Various shocks
However, this vision of the family celebration is restricted to the point of view of a single family group, which is far from exhausting the reality experienced by people. By definition, each couple is made up of two people from two different families of origin, and therefore also from two different traditions or habits. The new family must therefore each time reconstitute a new common tradition, but also live with the links to the two original families. The type of meal, whether Mass is compulsory or not, whether gifts are given, how and at what cost, how to dress and everything that revolves around the celebration changes from family to family. the other…

The differences can in certain cases be of detail, in others reveal quite opposite “family cultures”. As long as relations are in good shape, everyone puts water in their wine and adapts to it, but if tensions appear, beware of clashes.

And these conflicts of dates, of traditions, of culture are only accentuated and multiplied when family separations and recompositions occur. For some young parents, for example, whose parents are separated and have each reconstituted a new couple, the “obligations” that must be met only multiply. The end-of-year holiday period sometimes becomes a painful marathon where they wonder how to get by here and there, sometimes forced to give up the most "relaxed" parties, because they are the only ones where they will not be kept too strict.

Commercial parties
Is it just a matter of culture, it's hard to say. But the end-of-year celebrations have become almost a social obligation. And the consumer society has not missed the windfall. Many businesses achieve an attractive turnover during the holidays, which allows them to compensate for the slow months.

We can therefore see that, in addition to family pressures or obligations, there are social or commercial pressures. They undoubtedly weigh more heavily on families whose income is limited and who feel obliged to “maintain their rank”.

The foregoing remarks, in which many individuals and families may recognize tensions they have already faced, paint a much less relaxed picture of the holidays than the advertisement would have you believe.

How to do ?
When one finds oneself caught up in various and multiple external pressures, it is not always easy to adopt an attitude, especially since in family celebrations, by definition, it is also necessary to reconcile different points of view.

The first thing to do is probably that everyone tries to clarify what they want for themselves and then find out what those closest to them hope for. This does not solve all the problems, but it does at least identify discrepancies and clarify them. By starting by trying to determine a common project for the small family unit, it may be easier to move on to confrontation with the other units.

In the context of family relationships where appearances and hidden jealousies are often of great importance, one-upmanship is often at work. It will absolutely not be necessary to devalue oneself compared to a brother or a sister.

In the dynamics of family evolution, it is also essential to give (or impose) the possibility of seeing traditions evolve according to changes in family configurations and the ages of the protagonists. What appeals to 40 can be heavy at 60 and undrinkable for teenagers. More than on any other occasion, the skilful balance of family life turns out to be a headache during the holiday season. If we want everyone to find well-being there, we have to be very flexible, which is a thousand miles from the conventional and fixed aspect that family celebrations often take.

As we can see, the dream of family harmony that often underlies family celebrations is not guaranteed in advance. The pitfalls are many. For these family reunions to be good times for the greatest number and to strengthen family ties, it is necessary to demonstrate critical analysis vis-à-vis cultural and economic obligations, the ability to negotiate and the recognition of legitimacy. from the other's point of view, flexibility and imagination. But with regard to the sociological functioning of family dynamics, which also aim to define their own identity, this is an approach that needs to be constantly re-launched.